Learning Dance - A Very Humbling Experience

I am not a professional dancer… never would be…. Over the last approximately six & a half years I have been attending part time dance classes just as a hobby… I had invested four & a half years learning salsa, around 11 months with an intention to get the basic knowledge of ballet & jazz, currently I am learning contemporary for the past 8 months & regularly on the lookout for more dance classes which I could join …..

I am no expert in dance….as a matter of fact my knowledge would be equivalent to a drop in an ocean. But I have had the good fortune of observing quite a few instructors either by attending their classes… or observing their classes or interacting with some of them without ever being part of their classes… the dance forms which these instructors taught varied across Salsa, Bachata, Zouk, Hip Hop, Ballet, Jazz, Swing, Waltz, Contemporary…. I hope I did not miss out anything……

Although I have only pursued dance as a hobby… I read about it a lot… through books, interviews, dance related blog sites, my friends posting blogs about dance, news that gets published on the net for major dance competitions and any other informative material on which I can get my hands on…. The thought of writing this blog post came to me because I wanted to pen down not my experience with dance but rather the experience which dance has given me over the past 6 years. I am in no way even near to completing my journey in dancing I would want to continue as long as I can………

Now that we have the context clear…… If I think back over the past 6.5 years I have learned from different instructors…. There have been instructors who have told me to not intervene at all in their choreography or method of teaching and just follow what they are asking everyone to do… and on the other end of the spectrum there have been instructors who have told me that they will just give me movements, how I piece them together or how I mould them is up to me, as per them choreographing a dance is putting a lid on the creativity of the students……. I have had instructors whose motivational speech before a performance was focused on how as a group we should go out there & prove to all other dance schools that we are better than them, annihilate the competition etc etc….. at the same time there have been instructors who before a performance have asked us to go out there enjoy ourselves & be proud of what we are doing…… if I am asked a question what is right & what is wrong… I don’t want to arrive at an answer or a conclusion because as per me very few instances in this world can be categorized as absolutely right or wrong there are just opinions & there is no right or wrong opinions as they are opinions and not judgments’… Judgments can be absolutely right or wrong not opinions……

I sincerely feel an urge to quote an incident here… at one point of time around 5 years back I asked one of my instructors as to why he never approaches or interacts much or attend any workshops of any other instructors… his reply was “Either they (the other instructors) do stuff which I don’t like and whatever else they do I can do it easier & better”….. I left the conversation there at that point... but after a year or so when I began to realize the potential joy & expansiveness dance brings to a person…. All that I could do was feel grieved about how this person has closed doors to a sea of knowledge which he could have embraced and expanded himself…. But again I don’t say he was right or wrong… that was his opinion this is mine……..

Now about my journey with dance & how it has changed me & still continues to change me every day & with every additional class I attend….. Learning dance has been a very humbling experience for me…. It has made me more aware of myself by immersing myself in movements & losing myself…. Whenever today in a class I try to jump higher and open my arms… I feel like I am embracing the world… gathering more from the world by opening my arms wider, jumping higher & holding my center to remain suspended in the air for a fraction of second longer so that I can gather more……. Dancing has introduced a very calm feeling around me….. dance is like a friend which will never disappoint you or leave you or ditch you or put you down. Dance is like the friend to whom you can convey any emotion which you want to convey joy, grief, laughter, anger and any other emotion….. dance is like a friend who will come & tell you everything; a dance can be sad, joyous, filled with grief, seething with anger….. dance is like a friend who will give you the best moments & never asking anything in return……

Dance is something which can make you so tired that if you are suffering from insomnia then you can fall asleep like a baby or can give you that extra shot of adrenaline if you want to stay awake for a long time…… For me dance has made me calm as a person & it has introduced calmness around me, it has given me the venting space for my creativity… creating movement to music, conveying the message without ever exercising your vocal chords purely through movements & expressions, trying to jump that extra few inches higher, trying to get a movement to look & feel good for yourself, suffering from  niggling pains in different part of the body during the entire day just because you pushed yourself a little harder, stretched a bit more, put in a little extra then your body would allow you….. can give you a high which no other drug can…. It is an addiction & mostly a healthy one……

As it stands today dance is an integral part of my existence…. It a part of my soul which cannot be separated….. it has given me so much that I already have given up hope of ever paying it back in any way or form…… now if I look back & imagine what I would have missed out had I not stepped in the studio for my first ever dance class 6 years back.. the thought is scary enough to make me not think of it any further…….

Today my determination is firm to continue to learn dance for as long as I can….. thanks ‘Dance’ for everything…. I would have been so incomplete without you……. I know you would never leave me & I hope I also would never let you go……..

Irony of a Standup Comedian

I very regularly visit plays, musicals, stand up acts & other similar events… I like them a lot more than either serials on television or any movies playing in the theatres… I find these events to be a more creative, challenging to pull off, closer to reality & definitely more entertaining…….

Anyone who has been on stage performing for an audience would agree when I say this that an artist does not need to finish his part go backstage & then analyze or ask someone as to how the performance was or what was the audience reaction… within a minute an artist is on stage he can immediately know whether the energy is getting channeled back from the audience to him or not…. The reaction need not always be laughter but would be the similarity in emotion which the artist is trying to convey through his or her work… if the artist is performing comedy… the emotion channeled back from the audience would be laughter & joy… if the artist is trying to convey grief… the emotion channeled back from the audience would be grief felt by the audience…… anger for anger.. sympathy for sympathy & so on… this channeling & live exchange of energy & emotion starts within the first few minutes an artist is on stage……

Last month I attended a standup comedy night, the show featured four artists each having a solo act of around 30 to 35 Minutes with the total duration of appx two & a quarter hours….. the act of first artist was a big success the entire audience laughed their socks off……….. the main thought of this post came to me from the act of the second artist… since I visit these events frequently I was aware that the artist performing the second act is a full time actor but not a full time stand up comedian & obviously majority of the audience did not had this information… and not being a full time comedian led to his act being very less impactful and hilarious then the artist which preceded him or succeeded him… the audience was barely reacting….the laughter from the earlier act had now transformed into chuckles…. That too was not very frequent….. I would still commend the artist because he gave his 100% throughout… he finished his act & was sent off with a courtesy warm applause… the two acts which followed his again picked up the tempo to end the evening on a high….

On my way back this got me thinking as to how difficult it would be for the artist to go through this experience…… he would have known how his act would go within minutes of him being up there on the stage trying to interact with the audience… trying to initiate the energy exchange channel of the same type of energy which he was making a sincere attempt to pass to the audience….the impact of the situation gets compounded because he is doing a stand up comedy act… he is suppose to look joyous… funny…. Hilarious…. Happy… contend with himself….. although every second he is spending on stage is draining so much out of him because he is passing energy to 450 people sitting in the audience but barely getting anything back to refill himself to continue…… even once his act was over & he would have been sitting backstage, then also no one would need to tell him that his act was not as effective as others Stage is a live X Ray machine.. the results are there live for everyone including the patient to see.. the printed report later is just a document conveying the same thing not of much use other then placing it in a file……

A lot changed for me after that evening… my respect & appreciation for that artist increased a million times… infact for all the artists who either have an off day or a show which does not go as they wanted it to… or all the artists who have not yet mastered the art of engaging the audience every time they are on stage… but still having the courage to perform on the satge…... willing to go out there and fight the silent battle in which you as an artist know the result within the first few minutes…. but you still carry on fighting either for your fellow soldiers who are the other actors on stage or for your king which is the audience watching you…………..

Rafael Nadal once after losing to Roger Federer in one of the grand slams said, “One needs to face defeats to value their victories”… for all the artists who have experienced this or are experiencing this… a big round of applause & appreciation from me for continuing the fight……. Warriors who assume legendary status are not those who always were on the winning side…. but those who gave it their all at the time of battle……..

Contradiction of Expression-Intention-Interpretation

We all have experienced how difficult it could be to shop for the opposite sex - the purpose does not simplify the problem - it could be a gift, could be just something good you saw for someone…. practically any reason, As far as I have seen the problem exists for both sexes while trying to accomplish this feat. The problem gets compounded if you actually care for the person you are buying & care as to how his/her reaction would be once she/he gets hold of it. Taking my example itself… I shop a lot (I am on the verge of becoming an obsessive compulsive shopaholic) however whenever I shop I keep an eye out for stuff for my sister & although luckily she has been mighty impressed by the stuff which I have ever bought for her & has more confidence on my taste than I have..... yet I am always nervous when I buy for her & that is the reason why I restrict my shopping to hand bags, clutches, footwear, jewellery & other accessories but any kind of garment is a strict no- no the simple reason being the number of risk factors which can go wrong are way too high… the cut of the dress, the fall, the length, the size, the color, the fitting etc etc etc… too risky a proposition for me to undertake.

The incident which prompts me to write this is what I came across during my recent trip to London for around a week. I was shopping at a Burberry Outlet & was just going about my business of shopping for blazers when a female of Japanese origin aged about 25 – 30 came up to me & very politely asked me that what do I think of the trench coat for man she was holding in her hand, I looked at it & genuinely said it looks good. Then she explained that she was looking to buy something for her boyfriend & I resemble him as far as body shape, height etc are concerned & if I could just wear the coat & confirm to her if the size is ok & she wanted to see how it looks on me to get an idea of how it would look on her boyfriend…. I gladly obliged, did a bit of modeling for her… handed the coat back to her she said thanks & then went towards the billing counter. Almost exactly the same incident happen with me the next day when I was at Oxford Street again shopping at Harvey Nichols, the only difference was that the lady was of British Origin, same age group & this time the garment was a sweat shirt….

My total stay in London was 5 days & similar incident occurring twice got me thinking…. The thought was why don’t I do this when I am shopping for someone or see others doing it often in India…. & 2 incidents straight away come to my mind first was at Garuda Mall in Bangalore & second one was at Palladium Shopping Mall in Mumbai… both time I saw two girls at each of these places completely perplexed & confused as to what size would fit the guy for which they were  buying in the first case it was a shirt & in the latter case it was a blazer… both times I observed the discussion between the two of them continued for more than half an hour without any consensus or outcome… which is obvious since the information to generate outcome was itself missing…… reading the above, the solution seems very simple… they could have looked around for a guy who had the same physical resemblance requested him to try & could have made a decision… come to think of it they could have asked one of the stores salesman to do the same for them… but I have never seen this happening……

Post my return from London I met one of my friends & asked her for her opinion as to why in our country people do not ask for this kind of assistance from either fellow shoppers at the store or sales staff itself….. her immediate response was it would be interpreted as if the guy is asking a girl, he is making a pass at her & if the situation is other way around the girl is making a pass at the guy…… My logical sense went into a frenzy I explained to her that lets take a step back & think about it… if a girl is asking a guy to try something & giving him the background information that she wants to buy something for another guy… unless she explicitly mentions that it is for her brother or cousin or relative hasn’t she already eliminated any chance of her even being remotely interested in making a pass at you….. it is like someone walking up to you & saying “Hi! I just got a minus twelve in my IQ test would you like to discuss Quantum Physics with me?”… & the same logic would hold good for a guy asking help from a girl… but it does not happen… at least not very often……

On introspection I would also not do this if I am shopping in India...I am too scared since I also believe it will be interpreted the same way which my friend explained…. in London or US perhaps yes I will after the experiences which I have had. But that brings me to the question which is still unanswered… that is actually has our societal values, the environment in which we are bought up holds such a vice grip on certain behavioral patterns of our life that logic & rationale take a back seat… perhaps yes…. I feel really great when the I see young & even younger generations liberating themselves from such vice grips in various dimensions but at the same I get worried when I see ‘liberation’ being used & exercised way too ‘liberally’….. but again liberation is not a measuring scale & there is no optimum level of liberation… the pendulum will keep swinging on either side of the spectrum….. however a pendulum swinging is anyday better then remaining stationary & gathering dust…..

Ignorance for love to Ignorance in love to Ignorance of love…..

The incident which prompts me to write this goes in this way…. Some days back I had an opening in my department, the department for which I work for in my company is one of the high profile departments in the organization & much respected in the banking industry as a whole…. My manager asked me if I knew someone who could be suitable for the position… I knew a guy from my previous company who could fit the bill… good technical skills, honest, hard working had most of the attributes which we were looking for. So I met him over a cup of coffee to explain the role and also answer any questions which he may have plus a little catch up since we were meeting after a long time….. The guy was working in Bangalore but the position was in Mumbai and if he gets selected he would be required to move to Mumbai… the guy actually is from Mumbai & that’s where his parents are… I told him the status as is that this job would require relocation… this guy was pleasantly surprised and became more interested in the job… he said he is very willing to move to Mumbai and would be able to do so at a very short notice…. And said that he is very keen for this…. The conversation ended we said how good it was to catch up with one another after such a long time and that he will send me across his CV for me to refer the same…..

After meeting him when I was driving back I was thinking how could he just say that he is willing to relocate so easily & that too at a very short notice…. Now you all must be thinking what is wrong with that… and some of you may have assumed him to be very career oriented, determined etc etc etc….. well here is why it gets me thinking.. the guy is married for 2 years… his wife works in Accenture (obviously in Bangalore)… I have never met his wife but little from what I know she always wanted to have a professional career….. this guy without having a flash of thought goes ahead & firmly commits that he is willing to relocate without even having any second thoughts about his wife’s career… will she be able to get a transfer to Mumbai (I don’t even know if accenture has a set up in Mumbai or not), will she get a new job easily…. Is she comfortable moving in with her in laws…. Does she want to move if she is doing well in her career at this place…. Doesn’t being married for 2 years she deserves an honest discussion and sharing of her viewpoint with her husband before he commits that he is ok with moving cities?????

It baffles me completely… reminds me of the incident one year back when was taking a telephonic interview of a girl for an opening in my function… during the discussion I mentioned that this role may require you to travel for 3-4 months in a year and would she be ok with it.... she replied that she would have to discuss the same with her husband and get back to me… isn’t this all too familiar in our culture/social set up…. My question is even fundamental why females are so considerate & so thoughtful in any situation while guys behave like f***ing morons….. if I discuss this with some people I would get the answer that is the way it works…. I say bullshit…. It is just that guys have failed to evolve into human beings and that makes me sick to my gut….

I have seen quite a few guys from being ignorant of everything trying to find love…. Then being ignorant of everything else once they have find love (or for some of them once they have “conquered” or “achieved” love)… finally becoming ignorant of someone whom they loved particularly after marriage… witnessing this makes me very uncomfortable to say the least…..

There is another phenomenon in this context which merits mentioning here what I call as “me” to “we” to “he” transition…. For a girl before entering in a relationship or marriage it is all about “me” – I want to go to this college, I want to do this course, I want that dress, those boots etc etc, once in a relationship or after marriage the overnight transition happens and everything become “we” – We want to go to this place, we want this kind of an apartment etc etc… the last phase is when everything becomes “he”, he would want this, he would want to go there, he would like to have this for dinner etc etc….. on the other hand the “me” state for guy remains the same at all points of time in most of the cases…. Yes I know most of guys will never agree to this but there are enough cases to look around…. Okay I admit they do change to the “we” state for some time in a relationship or early days in marriage but that’s about it…..

I am not trying to induce gender bias in this post (just to mention I am a guy, if that helps) but it is just disappointing to see that within human beings one sex has evolved so much, become so mentally equipped to face challenges and still make things work while the other still lags behind believing in or rather trapped in a fictitious glorious past which never existed, refusing to evolve…….

Btw…. I did not act like a douche bag I still sent across his CV for the opening in my department…… :):):)

Two Ways of Looking at Things….. Two Beautiful Examples

These two thoughts have touched my life in an unparallel way and I definitely thought that this deserves to be the content of the first blog post that I ever write…….

I am of the firm opinion that there are always two ways of looking at things…. Or at least minimum of two ways of looking at anything….. very few things in the universe are absolute most of them are relative, relative to the context, relative to the situation, relative to the time frame/period in which it I s being looked at….. I have used this analogy at my work, my studies, my personal life and on any occasion in which I needed to observe or experience anything…. On this note I thought of sharing the two most beautiful instances which I have come across which are cases of how we look at things (names have been changed to maintain anonymity)

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First Instance:  Dinesh & Akhil are two best of friends since college; they are sitting in a coffee shop on a regular Saturday Evening in Bangalore. Dinesh is very nervous since he is aware the Akhil has lost her girlfriend (Niharika) & her entire family whom he very well knew and loved, a couple of months ago in a car accident. Dinesh is not sure about the state of mind in which Akhil is in & how has he reacted to the entire trauma. During the conversation between the two:

Dinesh: Yaar…. Must be really difficult for you after what happened with Niharika

Akhil: Yup… it is difficult but I am rather ok about it

Dinesh (Surprised & more nervous): How can you be ok about it…. It should really be eating you from inside

Akhil: No… I am actually pleased about it do you want to know why?

Dinesh: Are you fucking out of your mind WHY???

Akhil (Calmly): I am proud & happy that I made a girl so beautiful fall in love with me whom even God could not resist, and since she was in love with me and obviously God could not have her so it decided to take her away from me but could not get her to love anyone else other than me……

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Second Instance: Dinesh & Akhil are two best of friends since college; they are sitting in a coffee shop on a regular Saturday Evening in Bangalore. Akhil has a friend Niharika whom he is head over heels in love with but knows that Niharika is in a relationship with another guy. Dinesh is aware of the situation. During the conversation between the two:

Dinesh: So what are you gonna do about this, will you talk to Niharika and tell her how you feel about her?

Akhil: Naah… there is no point… I am just gonna let the moment pass and move on…..

Dinesh: Shit…. Don’t you wish if somehow Niharika were to break up with this guy and you telling her how you feel may bring her in your life… you folks are great friends & you have known her for over a year now… she is a great girl……?

Akhil: I would never want that to happen…..

Dinesh: But WHY? You do like her don’t you?

Akhil: That’s exactly my point….. if I need to tell her about my feelings then beforehand there has to be a fallout between her and her boyfriend as a result of the separation she will undergo a lot of pain…… and people whom you love you don’t want to see them going through any pain…. I would want to see her happy at all times………. I will try my best that she stays happy………

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You Think You Know Me????

This is not the first time I am writing something but this is the first blog post that I am ever writing. Two things that I wanted to say in the first blog post were (1) why am I starting now to write blog posts? And (2) Why the name “Expressions….Emotions….Explanations”

To answer the first, I still don’t have a concrete reason as to why start now… but this is how it has happened, last week I met with an external trainer who had come to the organization in which I work to give training on a particular subject…. I was one of the people who attended the training, part of my nature is to continuously interact in all the trainings I attend, it also helps me keep awake. So I raised a few questions which I wanted to further discuss and they were addressed very well by the trainer…… she was very good with the subject no second thoughts about it… but the interesting part of the discussion happened over lunch… we were just chatting & then topics migrated from workplace & training to cover a wide variety of topics which covered current affairs, religions, social set up, hypocrisy in society, taboos, relationships in urban world, personalities etc etc…… infact the discussion starting over lunch continued between us almost 2 hours after the training in my office cafeteria…. It was a very intriguing discussion to say the least and we both contradicted each other on a lot of occasions… and each one of us put forward our viewpoints as to why we believe in whatever we believe in… at the end of it all when she had to leave to catch her late evening flight back to her city.. she said that she had rarely come across people like me who have very different views on everything and can so well articulate what their thoughts are…. Whoa… that coming from a trainer who has over 15 years of experience in training & interacting with people across industries, across organizations, across cultures, across geographical locations was a big compliment…. And she strongly recommended that I start writing as this would help me further improve my articulation skills. This actually made me think, over a long period of time I have consistently got this feedback that I can explain things very well…. From my friends, from my college professors, from the kids I use to teach when I was in college, from the management for all the organizations I have worked for….. and since I do think about a lot of things (trust me thinking is one thing I do a lot) & already have the habit of putting them down on paper… why not put it on a blog post and so here it is…. My blog containing ‘my expressions’, ‘my emotions’ & ‘my explanations’.

Now on to the second… took me a couple of days to think of a name which I would want to have (just reemphasizes what I mentioned in the first para, I think a lot….) but the name should represent what the blog posts will contain:

Expressions: For me expression is the inference which I derive from observing anything around me and the action it results in… for example me stopping my car to allow a lady to cross the road by blocking traffic behind me even though the guy in the car behind me is honking his way to glory, or stopping an elevator when I see someone rushing towards the same and it is about to get closed with me inside it, or hold open the entrance of my apartment building if I see someone carry multiple carry bags loaded with groceries and the examples can go on & on.. these are expressions or gestures which I execute and many more which I come across on a daily basis… all of them give me a lot of food for thought.

Emotions: Emotions for me are outlets of feelings from observing anything around me and the feelings becoming the actions and the observation not resulting in any action…. (well so much for clear articulation……) for example feelings when you see marriages of your friends breaking down left, right & center, feelings when you see people fighting after a road accident instead of paying attention to the wounded, feelings when I see how screwed up the social set up around me is & the hypocrisy it advocates for, feelings when I see people who have trapped themselves in their own worlds & are convinced that they have seen everything….  And once again the list goes on & on… these also get me thinking… thinking a lot…..about human society, evolution, maturity and all the social institutions itself…

Explanations:  Now for me everything has an explanation & I spend a lot of time trying to find explanations. Expressions & Emotions… one results in action and the other may not result in action but both of them for me always have an explanation attached if we are willing to think enough, look enough or simply wait long enough…. Anything which I write be it about an emotion or expression will always have an explanation attached to it….. Explanation does not prove that someone is right or wrong… for me explanation is the reason behind the action which one takes for an expression or feelings one experiences for emotions…… it is the advanced sub conscious section of your brain pulling strings for you to either do those actions or have those feelings…

So “Expressions….Emotions….Explanations….” lets see where I go with it….. Cheers.......