Ignorance for love to Ignorance in love to Ignorance of love…..

The incident which prompts me to write this goes in this way…. Some days back I had an opening in my department, the department for which I work for in my company is one of the high profile departments in the organization & much respected in the banking industry as a whole…. My manager asked me if I knew someone who could be suitable for the position… I knew a guy from my previous company who could fit the bill… good technical skills, honest, hard working had most of the attributes which we were looking for. So I met him over a cup of coffee to explain the role and also answer any questions which he may have plus a little catch up since we were meeting after a long time….. The guy was working in Bangalore but the position was in Mumbai and if he gets selected he would be required to move to Mumbai… the guy actually is from Mumbai & that’s where his parents are… I told him the status as is that this job would require relocation… this guy was pleasantly surprised and became more interested in the job… he said he is very willing to move to Mumbai and would be able to do so at a very short notice…. And said that he is very keen for this…. The conversation ended we said how good it was to catch up with one another after such a long time and that he will send me across his CV for me to refer the same…..

After meeting him when I was driving back I was thinking how could he just say that he is willing to relocate so easily & that too at a very short notice…. Now you all must be thinking what is wrong with that… and some of you may have assumed him to be very career oriented, determined etc etc etc….. well here is why it gets me thinking.. the guy is married for 2 years… his wife works in Accenture (obviously in Bangalore)… I have never met his wife but little from what I know she always wanted to have a professional career….. this guy without having a flash of thought goes ahead & firmly commits that he is willing to relocate without even having any second thoughts about his wife’s career… will she be able to get a transfer to Mumbai (I don’t even know if accenture has a set up in Mumbai or not), will she get a new job easily…. Is she comfortable moving in with her in laws…. Does she want to move if she is doing well in her career at this place…. Doesn’t being married for 2 years she deserves an honest discussion and sharing of her viewpoint with her husband before he commits that he is ok with moving cities?????

It baffles me completely… reminds me of the incident one year back when was taking a telephonic interview of a girl for an opening in my function… during the discussion I mentioned that this role may require you to travel for 3-4 months in a year and would she be ok with it.... she replied that she would have to discuss the same with her husband and get back to me… isn’t this all too familiar in our culture/social set up…. My question is even fundamental why females are so considerate & so thoughtful in any situation while guys behave like f***ing morons….. if I discuss this with some people I would get the answer that is the way it works…. I say bullshit…. It is just that guys have failed to evolve into human beings and that makes me sick to my gut….

I have seen quite a few guys from being ignorant of everything trying to find love…. Then being ignorant of everything else once they have find love (or for some of them once they have “conquered” or “achieved” love)… finally becoming ignorant of someone whom they loved particularly after marriage… witnessing this makes me very uncomfortable to say the least…..

There is another phenomenon in this context which merits mentioning here what I call as “me” to “we” to “he” transition…. For a girl before entering in a relationship or marriage it is all about “me” – I want to go to this college, I want to do this course, I want that dress, those boots etc etc, once in a relationship or after marriage the overnight transition happens and everything become “we” – We want to go to this place, we want this kind of an apartment etc etc… the last phase is when everything becomes “he”, he would want this, he would want to go there, he would like to have this for dinner etc etc….. on the other hand the “me” state for guy remains the same at all points of time in most of the cases…. Yes I know most of guys will never agree to this but there are enough cases to look around…. Okay I admit they do change to the “we” state for some time in a relationship or early days in marriage but that’s about it…..

I am not trying to induce gender bias in this post (just to mention I am a guy, if that helps) but it is just disappointing to see that within human beings one sex has evolved so much, become so mentally equipped to face challenges and still make things work while the other still lags behind believing in or rather trapped in a fictitious glorious past which never existed, refusing to evolve…….

Btw…. I did not act like a douche bag I still sent across his CV for the opening in my department…… :):):)

Two Ways of Looking at Things….. Two Beautiful Examples

These two thoughts have touched my life in an unparallel way and I definitely thought that this deserves to be the content of the first blog post that I ever write…….

I am of the firm opinion that there are always two ways of looking at things…. Or at least minimum of two ways of looking at anything….. very few things in the universe are absolute most of them are relative, relative to the context, relative to the situation, relative to the time frame/period in which it I s being looked at….. I have used this analogy at my work, my studies, my personal life and on any occasion in which I needed to observe or experience anything…. On this note I thought of sharing the two most beautiful instances which I have come across which are cases of how we look at things (names have been changed to maintain anonymity)

********************************************************************************

First Instance:  Dinesh & Akhil are two best of friends since college; they are sitting in a coffee shop on a regular Saturday Evening in Bangalore. Dinesh is very nervous since he is aware the Akhil has lost her girlfriend (Niharika) & her entire family whom he very well knew and loved, a couple of months ago in a car accident. Dinesh is not sure about the state of mind in which Akhil is in & how has he reacted to the entire trauma. During the conversation between the two:

Dinesh: Yaar…. Must be really difficult for you after what happened with Niharika

Akhil: Yup… it is difficult but I am rather ok about it

Dinesh (Surprised & more nervous): How can you be ok about it…. It should really be eating you from inside

Akhil: No… I am actually pleased about it do you want to know why?

Dinesh: Are you fucking out of your mind WHY???

Akhil (Calmly): I am proud & happy that I made a girl so beautiful fall in love with me whom even God could not resist, and since she was in love with me and obviously God could not have her so it decided to take her away from me but could not get her to love anyone else other than me……

******************************************************************************

Second Instance: Dinesh & Akhil are two best of friends since college; they are sitting in a coffee shop on a regular Saturday Evening in Bangalore. Akhil has a friend Niharika whom he is head over heels in love with but knows that Niharika is in a relationship with another guy. Dinesh is aware of the situation. During the conversation between the two:

Dinesh: So what are you gonna do about this, will you talk to Niharika and tell her how you feel about her?

Akhil: Naah… there is no point… I am just gonna let the moment pass and move on…..

Dinesh: Shit…. Don’t you wish if somehow Niharika were to break up with this guy and you telling her how you feel may bring her in your life… you folks are great friends & you have known her for over a year now… she is a great girl……?

Akhil: I would never want that to happen…..

Dinesh: But WHY? You do like her don’t you?

Akhil: That’s exactly my point….. if I need to tell her about my feelings then beforehand there has to be a fallout between her and her boyfriend as a result of the separation she will undergo a lot of pain…… and people whom you love you don’t want to see them going through any pain…. I would want to see her happy at all times………. I will try my best that she stays happy………

*****************************************************************************

You Think You Know Me????

This is not the first time I am writing something but this is the first blog post that I am ever writing. Two things that I wanted to say in the first blog post were (1) why am I starting now to write blog posts? And (2) Why the name “Expressions….Emotions….Explanations”

To answer the first, I still don’t have a concrete reason as to why start now… but this is how it has happened, last week I met with an external trainer who had come to the organization in which I work to give training on a particular subject…. I was one of the people who attended the training, part of my nature is to continuously interact in all the trainings I attend, it also helps me keep awake. So I raised a few questions which I wanted to further discuss and they were addressed very well by the trainer…… she was very good with the subject no second thoughts about it… but the interesting part of the discussion happened over lunch… we were just chatting & then topics migrated from workplace & training to cover a wide variety of topics which covered current affairs, religions, social set up, hypocrisy in society, taboos, relationships in urban world, personalities etc etc…… infact the discussion starting over lunch continued between us almost 2 hours after the training in my office cafeteria…. It was a very intriguing discussion to say the least and we both contradicted each other on a lot of occasions… and each one of us put forward our viewpoints as to why we believe in whatever we believe in… at the end of it all when she had to leave to catch her late evening flight back to her city.. she said that she had rarely come across people like me who have very different views on everything and can so well articulate what their thoughts are…. Whoa… that coming from a trainer who has over 15 years of experience in training & interacting with people across industries, across organizations, across cultures, across geographical locations was a big compliment…. And she strongly recommended that I start writing as this would help me further improve my articulation skills. This actually made me think, over a long period of time I have consistently got this feedback that I can explain things very well…. From my friends, from my college professors, from the kids I use to teach when I was in college, from the management for all the organizations I have worked for….. and since I do think about a lot of things (trust me thinking is one thing I do a lot) & already have the habit of putting them down on paper… why not put it on a blog post and so here it is…. My blog containing ‘my expressions’, ‘my emotions’ & ‘my explanations’.

Now on to the second… took me a couple of days to think of a name which I would want to have (just reemphasizes what I mentioned in the first para, I think a lot….) but the name should represent what the blog posts will contain:

Expressions: For me expression is the inference which I derive from observing anything around me and the action it results in… for example me stopping my car to allow a lady to cross the road by blocking traffic behind me even though the guy in the car behind me is honking his way to glory, or stopping an elevator when I see someone rushing towards the same and it is about to get closed with me inside it, or hold open the entrance of my apartment building if I see someone carry multiple carry bags loaded with groceries and the examples can go on & on.. these are expressions or gestures which I execute and many more which I come across on a daily basis… all of them give me a lot of food for thought.

Emotions: Emotions for me are outlets of feelings from observing anything around me and the feelings becoming the actions and the observation not resulting in any action…. (well so much for clear articulation……) for example feelings when you see marriages of your friends breaking down left, right & center, feelings when you see people fighting after a road accident instead of paying attention to the wounded, feelings when I see how screwed up the social set up around me is & the hypocrisy it advocates for, feelings when I see people who have trapped themselves in their own worlds & are convinced that they have seen everything….  And once again the list goes on & on… these also get me thinking… thinking a lot…..about human society, evolution, maturity and all the social institutions itself…

Explanations:  Now for me everything has an explanation & I spend a lot of time trying to find explanations. Expressions & Emotions… one results in action and the other may not result in action but both of them for me always have an explanation attached if we are willing to think enough, look enough or simply wait long enough…. Anything which I write be it about an emotion or expression will always have an explanation attached to it….. Explanation does not prove that someone is right or wrong… for me explanation is the reason behind the action which one takes for an expression or feelings one experiences for emotions…… it is the advanced sub conscious section of your brain pulling strings for you to either do those actions or have those feelings…

So “Expressions….Emotions….Explanations….” lets see where I go with it….. Cheers.......