Books That Would Never Be!!!!

If you have ever asked anyone “how to get rich?” or “how to make money?” You would realize that the most pathetic and lame answers always come from people who are rich and are doing well for themselves. One such lame answer which I have consistently got is one should read books about people who have made it big – read books on Steve Jobs, Richard Branson, Anupam Kher etc etc etc… when I listen to these I go like What the hell is wrong with you, these people have talent or they are hardworking and some of these freaks are both, what an average Joe or Lily requires is not people or books who can inspire him/her to be rich but rather books which can tell how to conspire to be rich.

And this got me thinking as to who are those people out there who don’t have anything to do with writing books but if they ever were to write one what will the title be.

This is just the outcome of a lot of spare time and thinking about worthless things which I waste time in and claim to be intellectually stimulating.

1)      Kim Kardashian - How to Loose a Guy in 72 Days & make 7.5 Million Dollars (Credits - How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days by Jeannie Long, Michele Alexander )

2)      Lance Armstrong - Every Puff/Shot Counts (Credits - Every Second Counts by Lance Armstrong)

3)      Poonam Pandey - Sealed with a Bikini Shot : The story of 2011 World Cup (Credits - Sealed with a Six : The Story of 2011 World Cup by ESPNCricinfo)

4)      Karan Johar - How to Win Boyfriends & Influence Men (Credits - How to Win Friends & Influence People By Dale Carnegie)

5)      Emraan Hashmi - Stop Acting & Start Kissing (Credits - Stop Worrying & Start Living By Dale Carnegie)

6)      Tushar Kapoor - Make Yourself Unbearable : How to Become the Person Everyone Cracks Jokes and No One Can Stand (Credits - Make Yourself Unforgettable : How to Become the Person Everyone Remembers and No One Can Resist By Dale Carnegie)

***** I just made Dale Carnegie do a somersault in his grave****

7)      Bill gates - Fifty Versions of Windows (Credits - Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James )

8)      Michael Jackson - P.S I Love Kids (Credits - P.S I love you by Cecelia Ahern)

9)      Monica Lewinsky - One Night @ Bill's Office - Preface by Bill Clinton (Credits - One Night @ call center by Chetan Bhagat)

10)  Sanjay Dutt - The 3 mistakes of my life - Drugs, Guns & Manyata (Credits - The 3 Mistakes of My Life by Chetan Bhagat)

11)  Katrina Kaif - Five Point Something : My IQ (Credits - Five Point Someone by Chetan Bhagat)

12)  Rahul Gandhi - What Young India Wants: Yeah Like I would Know!!! (Credits - What Young India Wants by Chetan Bhagat)

****** Chetan Bhagat – his tweets and his books both are unreadable & atrocious****

13)  Lindsay Lohan – She is too learned to write one book it will be a series:

Rehab for Beginners

Rehab for Intermediate

Rehab for Advanced

and if one orders all the 3 together they get a 4th one free

Rehab for Dummies

 (Credits - "For Dummies" Series published by John Wiley & Sons)

14)  Paris Hilton - The Diary of Paris: Sextape, Tinkerbell and Handbags! (Credits - The Diary of Amos Lee: Girls, Guts and Glory! by Adeline Foo)

15)  Ranbir Kapoor - She Broke Up, I Didn't!... I Just Kissed Someone Else! (Credits - She Broke Up, I Didn't!... I Just Kissed Someone Else! By Durjoy Datta)

16)  Sooraj Pancholi - You were my crush : Till you said you love me (Credits - You were my crush : Till you said you love me By Durjoy Datta)

17)  John Abraham - Ohh Yes I am single : And so is my girlfriend (Credits - Ohh Yes I am single : And so is my girlfriend By Durjoy Datta)

18)  Soha Ali Khan & Kunal Khemu - Of Course we love each other : since we cannot find someone better (Credits - Of Course I love you : till I find someone better By Durjoy Datta)

*******I hate Durjoy Datta’s books the only thing good about his books are their titles*******

19)  Simi Garewal - A Woman of Botox (Credits - A Woman of Substance by Barbara Taylor Bradford)

20)  Jiah Khan - Till Suicide do us part - It finally did!!!! (Credits - Till Death Do Us Part by Lurlene McDaniel)

21)  Aishwarya Rai - Media and My Weight Gain Tamasha (Credits - Women And The Weight Loss Tamasha by Rujuta Diwekar )

22)  Dev Anand - 1000 Years of Annoying the Earth (Credits - 1000 Years of Annoying the French by Stephen Clarke )

23)  Aamir Khan - Everything & Anything - I know Best (Credits - The Things I Know Best by Lynne Hinton & J. Lynne Hinton )

24)  Salman Khan - The Asshole who drove his Ferrari - Over Humans!!! (Credits - The Monk who sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma)

25)  Sharukh Khan - Can't stop Obsessing!: How to Overcome my self-Obsessions and self-Compulsions (Credits - Stop Obsessing!: How to Overcome Your Obsessions and Compulsions by Edna B. Foa, Reid Wilson )

26)  Uday Chopra - The Acting Career of a Nobody (Credits - The Diary of a Nobody by George Grossmith)

27)  Deepika Padukone - Catch - 22222222222222222222222 (Credits - Catch-22  by Joseph Heller)

28)  Arjun Rampal - The Man in the Wooden Face (Credits - The Man in the Iron Mask by Alexandre Dumas )

29)  Raakhi Sawant - Honour Among Sluts (Credits - Honour Among Thieves by Jeffrey Archer)

30)  Sooraj Barjatya - Forty Weddings & four bazillion wedding songs (Credits - Four Weddings and a Funeral by Richard Curtis )

31)  Kareena Kapoor - The Best thing about this world is me - Mein Apni Favorite Hoon!!!! (Credits - The Best Thing About You Is You! by Anupam Kher )

32)  Vijaya Mallaya - If God was a Banker - I would still not pay my employees (Credits - If God Was a Banker by Ravi Subramanian)

33)  Siddharth Mallaya - The Mallaya Legacy and story of Mental Retardation (Credits - The Kennedy Family and Story of Mental Retardation by Edward Shorter)

34)  Rihanna & Chris Brown - When the Umbrella Folds : A memoir of being together after physical abuse (Credits - When the Piano Stops: A Memoir of Healing from Sexual Abuse by Catherine McCall )

35)  Steve Jobs - Touch Trouble in the Big Apple (Credits - Big Trouble in The Big Apple by Geronimo Stilton & Thea Stilton )

36)  Lady Gaga - The Presentation Antics of Lady Gaga : How to Be Insanely obnoxious in Front of Any Audience (Credits - The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs : How to Be Insanely Great in Front of Any Audience by Carmine Gallo)

37)  Manmohan Singh - The Silence of the Sardars (Credits - The Slience of the Lambs by Thomas Harris)

38)  L K Advani - One Hundred years of Rath Yatras (Credits - One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez)

39)  Raj Thackeray - How the Grinch Stole Valentine! (Credits - How the Grinch Stole Christmas!  by Dr Seuss )

40)  Narendra Modi - Seven Hundred Attempts: My Pursuit of PM's Post  (Credits - Seven Deadly Sins: My Pursuit of Lance Armstrong by David Walsh)

41)  Sonia Gandhi - The Italian Commandment (Credits - The Italian Job by Gianluca Vialli, Gabriele Marcotti and The Eleventh Commandment by Jeffrey Archer)

42)  Mahendra Singh Dhoni - The Wizard of Jharkhand (Credits - The Wizard of OZ by L. Frank Baum)

43)  Ricky Ponting - 7 Steps to Effective Sledging (Credits - 7 Steps Series by Goodwill Publishing House)

44)  Tigerwoods - Tigerwoods's Adventures In Wonderland (Credits - Alice's Adventures In Wonderland  by Lewis Carroll)

45)  Rafael Nadal - The Greener Grass Conspiracy: Finding Contentment on Federer's Ass (Credits - The Greener Grass Conspiracy: Finding Contentment on Your Side of the Fence by Stephen Altrogge )

46)  Roger Federer - The Roger Federer Story: Quest for Clay (Credits - The Roger Federer Story: Quest for Perfection by Rene Stauffer)

47)  S Sreesanth - The Towel Fixer Code (Credits - The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown)

48)  Mika - Scandals, Kisses & Shitty Songs (Credits - Sex, Lies & Videotapes by Christian Cipollini, Scott Wilson )